|Savannah Cheyenne :)|
My name is Savannah, and I'm a freshamn in high school! 16 years old. I'm the type of person who is always reaching higher and digging deeper. I'm not happy with basic skills. If someone says that a issue is too big for me to take on, then you better believe I'm going to try to take it on. I'm all about studying and practicing. I'm just the type of person who gives every activity my all. I hate to be an amateur.
WINTER FORMAL DRESS 2013 <3
I can’t take it anymore. My friends keep uploading pictures of their scars, their cuts, and I just cracked. There are tears rolling down my cheers right now, and I don’t know if you can tell in this photo, but they are there. I don’t cut, and I pray that I never feel like I need too. I know cutting isn’t something you can just stop doing instantly though. But I feel horrible that you have gotten to the state where you feel more pain will help the pain you are going through. Just the thought that you guys are so sad, that you feel the need to do that.. I want to help so bad, but how? But you guys need to know that you don’t deserve to feel like that, no body does. I wish I could tell you a funny story and it’d all be over, but we both know it won’t be. So heres a smile, take it. You deserve it. You don’t deserve scars, blood dripping off your body, a frown, swollen eyes, or tears, none of that. Just smile, for me? I know it might be a fake one, but I know it will turn into a real one someday.
Stay Strong & don’t give up!
Before you think of letting go, before you begin the last letter you will ever write, think about what will happen after you make this permanent decision. Think about who will find you, your mother’s stricken face. Now, picture her making the phone calls. How everyone will break into pieces so small, they won’t ever be whole again. Think about your nieces and nephews and the way you will fade out of their memory and become a story people will be too sad to tell. Now, imagine your sisters, replaying every mean word they have ever said to you. Imagine them suffocating under the guilt, the way they will blame themselves for being so far away. Think about the friends you will leave behind, and the smiles they will hang in their closets that don’t fit them anymore. Think about the soul mate you didn’t find yet and the little girl who will never have your eyes. Think about how the door will stay closed to your room and the way your father will return home to emptiness. Think about the people you once knew, and how they will think they deserve the same fate. Yes. Yes, I know you are deeply unhappy, but why throw something as beautiful and precious as life away for something as temporary as sadness. It will get better. You just have to promise me you will be alive to see it.
Hello! I’m Savannah, and I thought i’d talk to you a little today about self worth, because I finally think I know what it is.
Now unless you can’t tell, this picture is in fact, me. I don’t know how different it might look to someone who doesn’t have my memories, but to me, I look at that old picture…and I just don’t recognize her. In school, people hate me. I’m the hyper weird kid, with her head in the clouds and her tongue speaking the stuff people don’t understand. I use to have short hair that didn’t suit my face, acne that coated it like a cruel reminder…I used to think I was the most disgusting person to live. As such, my brain began to do the same. I began to view the world like people viewed me, because I thought that’s all it amounted towards. Names like Pizza face, Spotty Savannah, freakshow…they became just nicknames I assumed I deserved.
And I hated…everyone. But at the same time…it forced me to really look at myself. If i was happy with who I was, would I really have let those words hurt me so much?
Then I went to Youth Group at Crossroads, and I met some of the best people in my entire life. People who taught me the values of…everything. Discipline, confidence, strength of mind…and self worth. Slowly, I began to change myself. I grew my hair out, so it framed my face. Eventually my face began to look…right, and I began to look in the mirror and not hate what I saw. I believed that things would get better, and everything I believed I did. I believed that I would become the person I dreamed of, and in time the doubt I had began to fade, and now? Now i’m actually that person. I’m no longer spotty Savannah, the person who if the boys I had a crush on found out, their friends would console them. Now I have boys peering over there books at me, talking to there friends about ‘that hot girl sitting over there’. I’m no longer the one who guy’s look down on like a freak. I no longer feel…worthless. I have a beautiful life & amazing friends.
If you believe you can do something, you can. That’s what I believe. So never give up, because things get better. You just have to find what fits.
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!
The reason why I don’t care when people say crap about me, weather it’s to my face, or over the phone, or in a letter or via internet, is because when you know that you can be you and you realize nothing can stop you from being who you are, sure by being yourself doing what you want you’ll get beat up but at the end of the day when you pick yourself up out of the gutter you realize it’s life’s way of telling you what reality is like. If someone doesn’t like me, I just wont talk to them.. Sure I can tell over half of the people I meet in my life will hate me because its all about the first impressions, So I don’t care if you hate me or not because I know I’ve been in the gutter before. I will never change and with my friends, the ones that accept me for me, are the people I want in my life. I have never trusted anyone, I don’t believe anything anyone says unless there is physical proof.. So be you, don’t be someone your not so you can impress someone. You are amazing the way you are! Don’t let anyone ever tell you different!
People are like restaurants: You may not like the outside of the building, but dare to go inside. Maybe they surprise you and sell the best food you’ve ever had.
I’m Savannah. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life. I’ve said things that shouldn’t have been said. I did things I shouldn’t have done. I’ve probably disappointed those close to me when I shouldn’t have. I made choices that were wrong. I chose friends that weren’t even like friends to me. I’ve gotten mad to the point where I end up getting mad at people who didn’t even deserve it. I’ve gotten to the point where I sometimes dislike/hate myself. I’ve lost who I am and because of that I forgot and didn’t bother to love myself when I was at my breaking point. But on the positive side, those mistakes I’ve done, the things I’ve said, and the things I’ve done helped me shape the person I am today. Those that I have disappointed, accepted and loved me still regardless of what I’ve done or said. The choices that were wrong helped me open my eyes to what is right. Those people who I thought were “friends” helped me realize who really are my friends. Those people who I took out my anger on helped our friendship/relationship. Even though I felt like I disliked/hated myself, at the end of it all, I’m still happy for what I have. There were times when I did like myself. Times when I was proud of who I was. And there were times when I was glad to just be… me. The only thing now, is I’m learning to find myself so I can love myself. If I can’t love myself, who can?
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